January 24, 2006
For the first time in my life
Dear Marianne,
For the first time in my life and I am 60 I have a person in my life that I hate. I have been annoyed with people before, removed myself from peoples presence because of negativity drain. even been through two divorces and a very tense custody issue but I have never ever felt hatred before. This person has totally disrupted my relationship with someone very dear to me, caused the most painful experiences in my life for the past year. I have meditated over this, used various forgiveness processes, My mantra seems to be "I relinquish all grievances, regrets, resentments" concerning this person..and choose the miracle. I keep saying this sometimes for an hour at a time. I feel at peace for a while and then she will do something new and I am right back in the darkness. Hatred this virulent is a new experience for me and I truly do understand that I am only causing myself pain and of course a loss of peace. Please help me release this thought, feeling, obsession if you will.This person will be in my life until either she dies or I do so I must heal this. Please pray with and for me. Help me to see this with new eyes.
B
+++++++ Marianne's Response++++++
Dear B,
I was once where you are now. It was terrible, and you're right in saying that the person being hurt most by your virulent feelings is yourself. Anger is a detroyer. Even physically.
So you're right, as well, in saying that you need a miracle. Whatever this woman has done to you, your mortal mind is totally incapable of finding its way to forgiveness.
Remember the words of Jesus: "Pray for your enemies, and bless those who curse you."
I recommend:
1) A thirty-day prayer vigil Despite whatever resistance you feel, pray for this woman's happiness every day for thirty days. Try to do this in the morning and at night. See God putting His arms around this woman. It will be difficult at first, but in time it will nullify the toxicity.
You might want to light a candle in front of a statue of the Virgin Mary, and ask her for a divine intercession. She comes from a thought system beyond your own, and intercedes on behalf of your holy self.
2) I recommend Azim Khamisa's books and tapes on Forgiveness. They're a powerful statement, and have been a huge help to me.
3) I hope this helps:
Dear God,
Please send Your spirit
into Barbara's heart,
and wash her clean of the hatred there.
Deliver her mind
beyond the thoughts that wound,
perceiving guilt in another
and thus in herself.
Uplift her mind
and thus free her heart.
Take the relationship
that so hurts her,
and transform it
through Your love.
Amen
Posted by mwblog at 10:44 AM
I am turning 40 in a week
Dear Marianne,
I am turning 40 in a week and have been thinking about where I am, where I've been, etc. My initial feelings are disappointment, sadness and fear. I don't feel I've done anything significant and my life is half over. I have battled with depression all my life and I understand that has been a hinderance, but not an excuse for being rudderless. I appreciate the things I've been able to do and see in my life. I've been very lucky. But its time to take on a mission, a purpose. I have a deep spiritual sense, love the arts, and am fascinated with the intricacies of the human experience. I also have a lousy relationship with money and have often been unemployed in the last 5 years. I need the miracle of clarity and direction.
Please help.
Thank you,
T
San Jose, CA
+++++++ Marianne's Response++++++
Dear T,
So here's the deal. From the perspective of A Course in Miracles, each of us has a split mind. One part is still in touch with God, and therfore sees only Truth. From its point of view all that has ever happened in your life is that you have loved and been loved. That is all that has happened. Everything else has been an illusion. Any straying from love in your life has simply been a mistake to be corrected, a mental miscreation.
But then there is another part of the mind, which has split itself on from God and engages in constant, illusionary, hallucinatory thought. Its cornerstone perception is guilt. And to it, your life has been a total waste. You're forty -- and look at you, for God's sake: You're nothing. You've done nothing. You are a failure. You've hardly worked, etc.
So there you have it: two separate worlds, arising from two different perceptions of who you are and the meaning of your existence. The first one is approving of you and compassionate towards you, emphasizes love as the meaning of your existence, and acknowledges you have made mistakes yet assures you that their correction is built into the workings of a merciful universe. Its goal for you, and for everyone else, is inner peace.
The second is the ego's domain: the goal of its existence is, quite literally, hell on earth for you and others. Anxiety and despair are its normal states. And its worldview so pervades this planet that you and I and everyone else has been taught its principles, schooled in its guilt-ridden perceptions, and held strictly accountable for holding to its tenets. The slightest deviation will get you labeled nut-case, in denial, fuzzy brained or lightweight.
Two worlds. Your choice. You decide.
A miracle is a shift in perception -- from hellish toughts of fear, to heavenly thoughts of love. And according to your perceptions of life will your experience of life.
Now at this point, given the fact that you wrote in asking for a miracle, I assume you would like me to speak about the heavenly choice and how to achieve it.
In A Course in Miracles, the Holy Spirit is referred to as a "bridge of perception." The first thing you need to do is build your bridge. I would recommend the daily reading of A Course in Miracles -- particularly the power of working the daily exercises -- as a way to discipline your mind and build a more loving, less guilt-ridden thought system. Right now you carry your thought forms like an invisible sign, subconsciously signaling to others that you're not a major player.
Secondly, I would write down on a piece of paper five things you have done right in your life. Then write five ways you feel you could powerfully contribute to the world right now, and moving for-ward (whether or not they would earn you money is at this point irrelevent). Then write five things you have to be grateful for, and give thanks. Pray for a chance to make up for what you perceive to be "lost time." Remember the line in the Bible where God assures us, "I will return to you the years that the locusts have eaten." The locusts are all those ego thoughts that rid us of our productivity, our creativity and our joy. But as it says in A Course in Miracles, "God will outwit your self-hatred." And He will.
Now write a letter to God, telling him all the ways you loathe yourself and feel totally frigthened about the future. Unburden yourself completely. Ask Him to help you forgive yourself for not having treated yourself, and life around you, with greater respect. For not having taken full advantage of the opportunities you have been given. For not having shown up fully as a man and as a human being.
And more than anything else, tell God you are willing-- and commit within yourself -- to make right whatever you can that needs to be made right, making amends, settling accounts you owe on any level, and cleaning up the past. Pray for a second chance, for a new beginning. Allow yourself to feel your pain, your regret, your despair. And cry your tears. You need to.
Then get moving. Be a big man. Be a friend to the men around you. Take care of the women and children around you. Contribute to your community. Help save America. Get the energy moving. You get a short period to indulge your pain and self-pity. Then get going. The universe supports you. God loves you. I believe in you, and so does everyone else who is reading this.
Enjoy.
Posted by mwblog at 10:36 AM
